Showing posts with label COMIX STRIPS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label COMIX STRIPS. Show all posts

Comix Strip #8: She Loves Money, Comic Strip, Comics, Comix Strip, Funny, Hilarious, Drinks, Alcohol, Beer, Bar, Desperate Man, Funny Lady, Vidushi Mishra

Gentleman: May I buy you a drink?
Lady: I would rather have the money!


More: News Feed Links


BONUS JOKES:


(1) A gentleman had had too much alcohol at a party, and was heading home when he was pulled over by a state trooper. 

Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't even walk a straight line any more than he could drive one. So, the trooper writes him a ticket. Just when he was going to give the ticket to the driver, an accident in the opposite lane takes his attention away. 
The inebriated driver figures that the trooper wasn't coming back to him. So, he drives home and goes to bed. 

More: It's All About The Legs

In the morning, he was woken up by a knock on his door. 
When he unlocks his door, he finds another state trooper standing on his front door. 
Trooper: Are you Mr. Johnson?
Man: Yes.
Trooper: Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?
Man: Yes.
Trooper: And what did you do then?

Man: I drove my car home and went to bed. 
Trooper: Where is your car now?
Man: It's in the garage.
Trooper: May I see the car?
Man: Sure.

The man opens his garage door, only to find the state trooper's car in it. 

(2) 
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot walk into a bar and order a pint of beer for themselves. When their drinks arrive, they notice that all three pints had a fly in them.
The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away. 
The Irishman picks out the fly with his bare fingers and throws it on the floor. Then, he proceeds to drink his beer. 
The Scot picks up the fly out of his pint, holds it over the glass and says, "Now come on you little git, spit it out!"

More: Blonde Moment

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Comix Strip #7: Mother Of Four Kids, Comic Strip, Comics, Comix Strip, Funny, Hilarious, Fight, Angry, Argument, Couple, Husband, Wife, Good Night, Vidushi Mishra

*The couple had a fight*

Mister: Good night, mother of four kids!
Missus: Good night, father of none.


More: Provocative


BONUS JOKES:


(1) A rich man and a poor man were very good friends. Coincidentally, they both had their relationship anniversaries in the same week, and they both had to buy gifts for their girlfriends. 
Poor man: What are you getting your girlfriend?
Rich man: I am getting her a diamond ring and a Mercedes car.
Poor man: Why are you buying her two gifts?
Rich man: That way if she does not like the ring she can still enjoy the Mercedes car when she goes to return the ring.
Rich man: So, what are you getting your girlfriend? 
Poor man: I am buying her a pair of slippers and a dildo. That way if she does not like the slippers she can go f*ck herself.

More: An Old Lady

(2) A convict, who was imprisoned for the first degree murder of his neighbor, was sentenced to spend 25 years of his life in a prison. 24 years had passed, and one day when the chances were right, the convict escapes the prison and he breaks into the house of a young, newly married couple.
He lets himself in their bedroom where the couple was sound asleep. He ties the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. Then, he gets on top of the wife, partially undresses her, caresses her breasts and starts kissing her neck. 
Then suddenly, he gets up and goes to the bathroom. 
The husband drags his chair with him and makes his way across the room to his bride and says, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, but do not fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it! Be strong and I love you."
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says, "Dear, I am so relieved to see that you feel that way. You are right, he has not seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear that he thinks you're really cute and asked me if we kept Vaseline in the bathroom. You be strong now, and I love you."

More: Being Romantic

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Comix Strip #6: Harry's Behind Them Grammys, Comic Strip, Comics, Comix Strip, Funny, Hilarious, Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, Grammy, Break Up, Album 1989, Vidushi Mishra

Harry: So, I think we should break up...

*Taylor goes back home, writes some songs about Harry Styles, records them, entitles her album 1989 and loots millions of dollars, plus 3 Grammys.*

Taylor Swift is not a private person. Her life is an open book. And, she's known for her controversial song lyrics that she has written over the years about her ex boyfriends. She's written songs about almost all of her ex boyfriends and how they broke her heart. And, this poor 'victim' of numerous heartbreaks gained so much sympathy but made more money out of it all. Hey, make hay while the sun shines, right?

More: Good Night


BONUS JOKES: 


(1) Two blonde women, an American and a Britisher, were best friends. One day, they decide to for shopping together in a mall. 
They see a photographer at the mall and decide to have their pictures taken. 
The photographer sits them down and says, "I have to focus my camera." 
American Blonde: What did he say he had to do?
British Blonde: He said he had to focus (f*ck us). 
American Blonde (gasping): Both of us?

More: Angry Girlfriend

(2) The Pope and Tiger Woods die on the same day and because of some administrative mix up, the Pope is sent to the hell and Tiger Woods goes to heaven. 
When the Pope reaches the hell, he explains his situation to the administrative clerk of hell. After checking the paperwork, the clerk admits that there has been an error indeed. 
"However, it would take 24-hours for the problem to be rectified", the clerk explains.
The next day, Hell's staff bids the Pope a goodbye. 
On his way up to the Heaven, the Pope meets Tiger Woods. They both stop to have a chat.
Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
Tiger Woods: No problem. 

Pope: I am really anxious to get to heaven.
Tiger Woods: Why is that?
Pope: All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.
Tiger Woods: You're just a day late.

More: Her Majesty

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Comix Strip #5: 2-Dimensional, Comic Strip, Comics, Comix Strip, Funny, Hilarious, 2-D, 2-Dimensional, Vidushi Mishra

Taklu: Hey man, you look troubled. What's up?
Ganju: Aahh! Will you turn right for me?


*Taklu turns right and appears as a vertical line now*


Ganju: See, it's hard being 2-D.
Taklu: Damn!


More: Value Of Pi



BONUS JOKES:


(1) 
A blonde was speeding in a non speeding zone when a local police cruiser pulls her over. The female police officer happened to be a blonde, too. 
She walks up to the car and asks the blonde driver for her driver's license. 
The driver searches frantically for the same in her purse for a while. Then she finally asks the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated by the question, the blonde cop replies, "Don't be a smart ass! It's got your picture on it!" 
The blonde driver frantically searches her purse again and finds a small, rectangular mirror.
She holds it up to her face and says, "Aha! This must be my driver's license"
Then she hands it over to the policewoman. 
The blonde cop looks in the mirror, hands it back to the driver and says, "You're free to go. And, if I had known that you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this." 

More: Fame Game

(2) A blonde phones a retail pharmacy to discuss about her prescription. 
When the pharmacist receives her call, she tells him, "About two weeks ago, your store gave me a bottle with 100 capsules in it. This was the prescription that my doctor ordered for me. I am supposed to take one capsule every six hours. And, I've been doing that. But once, this little packet came out of the bottle while I was taking my capsule. The packet said 'Do not eat' on it. That was four days ago, and I'm really really hungry!"

More: You Want Me

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Comix Strip #4: That Feeling, Comic Strip, Comics, Comix Strip, Funny, Hilarious, Humor, Vidushi Mishra

Taklu: Do you ever get that feeling like you're being watched?
Ganju: What are you talking about?


*Both look at you while you're looking at them*

More: North West


BONUS JOKES:


(1) One day, three brothers went to hunt in the woods. 
When the first brother comes back with a stag, his brothers ask him, "How did you kill it?"
He replies, "Well, I find stag tracks, I follow stag tracks, and BANG, I shoot stag!" 
A few days later, the second brother goes hunting. He brings back a hare. Now, his brothers ask him, "How did you kill it?" 
He replies, "Well, I find hare tracks, I follow hare tracks, and BANG, I shoot hare!" 
A few days later, the third brother, a blond, goes to hunt. But he comes back bloodied and bruised with a broken arm. His brothers ask him, "What happened to you?" 
He replies, "Well, I find train tracks, I follow train tracks, and BANG, train hit me!"

More: Bow Down

(2) A blonde walks into a bar which had a sign that read: For Men Only.
Bartender: I'm sorry, ma'am, but we only serve men in this bar.
Blonde: That's Okay. I'll take two of them.


(3) A blonde was discussing about her boyfriend's dandruff problem with her brunette friend. 
The brunette suggests, "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?" 
The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?"

More: The Neutron Joke

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Comix Strip #3: A Tea Bag, Comic Strip, Comics, Comix Strip, Funny, Hilarious, Dirty Joke, Tea, Green Tea, Tea Bags, Dirty Mind

Dan: What goes in dry, comes out wet and gives warm satisfaction?
Laura: I don't like dirty jokes!
Dan: The answer is 'a tea bag'. And, you have a dirty mind.


More: Terrible Prom


BONUS JOKES:


(1) A gay man finally decides to confront his parents about his sexuality. So, he goes over to their house, and finds his mother cooking dinner in the kitchen. 
He sits down at the kitchen table, lets out a big sigh, and says, "Mom, I have something to tell you... I'm gay."
His mother makes no reply and doesn't give any response. When the gay man was about to repeat it to make sure that she'd heard him, she turns away from the pot she was stirring and calmly asks, "You're gay, doesn't that mean that you put other men's penises in your mouth?" 
The gay guy nervously replies, "Uh, yeah Mom, that's right." 
His mother goes back to stirring the pot, then suddenly she whirls around, whacks him on the head with her spoon and says, "Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

More: Tiger Shroff

(2) A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?" 
The owner looks at the TV set, then he looks at the stoner, and replies, "I don't sell stuff to potheads." 
So, the stoner replies, "I'll quit smoking pot and will come back the next week to buy that TV."
A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?" 
The irritated store owner replies, "I told you, I don't sell to potheads!"
So, the stoner leaves and he comes back again after a week. He asks the same question, "How much for that TV?" 

The owner furiously replies, "I'm not going to tell you again, I don't sell to potheads!" 
The giggling stoner looks at the owner and asks, "How can you even tell that I'm a pothead?" 
The owner points at the appliance and says, "Because that's a microwave!"

More: Tease

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Comix Strip #2: Your Butt, Comic Strip, Comics, Comix Strip, Funny, Hilarious, Butt, Ass, Arse, Buttocks, Vidushi Mishra

Taklu: Hey you!
Stranger: Who, me?
Taklu: No! Your butt!
Butt: Me?

More: Drool-Worthy


BONUS JOKES:


(1) An 85-year-old man goes for his annual check up.
Doctor: Sir, for your age you are in the best shape I've seen.
Old man: It comes from clean living. I know, I live a good, clean, spiritual life.
Doctor: What makes you say that?
Old man: If I did not live a good, clean life the Lord wouldn't turn on the bathroom light for me every time I got up in the middle of the night.

Doctor (concerned): You mean, when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord Himself turns on the light for you?
Old man: Yeah. Whenever I get up to go to the loo, the Lord turns the lights on for me.


More: Forty Years

The doctor doesn't say anything else to the old man. But when the old man's wife comes in for her check up, he feels it to be his responsibility to let her know about her husband's mental condition.
Doctor: I just want you to know, your husband's in fine physical shape but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him.
Old man's wife: He what?
Doctor: He said every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him.
Old man's wife: Ahaa! So he is the one who has been peeing in the refrigerator!


(2) While volunteering in a soup kitchen, Demi hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a huge relief for her because all her life she was only drawn to married men.
Optimistic about her chances, she asks her new friend, "What do you do for a living?"
The man replies, "I'm a priest."

More: Makeup Magic

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Comix Strip #1: About Facebook, Comic Strip, Comics, Comix Strip, Funny, Hilarious, Facebook, Friends, Birthday, Vidushi Mishra

Rajesh: Hey man, Happy Birthday!
Joe: Oh Gee! You remember? I didn't tell anyone.
Rajesh: Haha.. That's just how good a friend I am!

*Facebook; making you a better friend since 2004.*


More: Jokey or Nothing


BONUS JOKES:


(1) One day, Superman was bored to death. So, he decides to go out and party. 
He calls Bruce Banner to ask him to accompany him to a club and pick up some girls. But, Bruce Banner declines the proposal because Betty Ross was ill & he had to look after her. 
A little disappointed, Superman now calls Iron Man to see if he was interested in enjoying a couple of beers with him. But, Iron Man also declines his offer because he had a date with Black Widow. 

At last, Superman flies over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see If she was free. He lands on her balcony to find out that she was lying completely naked on the bed with her legs wide open. 
Superman thinks to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can go in there, have sex and come out before she would even know what's happened." 
So Superman does his super thing within a few micro-seconds and flies off there happily. 
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman asks, "Did you hear anything?" 
"NO!", replies the Invisible Man, "But my ass hurts like hell!"

More: How I'm Lookin' Babe

(2) Nick was cuddling with his girlfriend, when she said, "I love lying here with you."
"I once caught a fish, and it was six feet long and spoke Spanish.", Nick replied. 
His puzzled girlfriend stared at him. 
"That was my lie", Nick replied. 
"Oh, right. I see. Very funny.", she said. She paused for a moment before rolling over and then she said, "That was my lie."

(3) A man bursts into his hypnotherapist's office and declares, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my wife for 20 years, but yesterday I slept with another woman!" 
He starts weeping heavily and then adds, "The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!" 
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and says, "Not again…"

More: About Prom

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