Showing posts with label GIF JOKES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label GIF JOKES. Show all posts

GIF Joke #7: In A Bar, GIF, GIF Joke, Funny, Hilarious, Comedy, Comical, Illustration, Animation, Bar, Beer, Liquor, Alcohol, Drink, Money, Pretty Lady, Desperate Man

A man after gathering his courage asks a pretty lady sitting in the bar,"May I buy you a drink?" 
The lady tauntingly replies, "I would rather have the money." 

More: The Foe

BONUS JOKES:


(1) A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
Bartender: What will it be buddy?
Man: Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.


The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on. All seven shots were gone almost as quickly as they were served.
Bartender: Why are you drinking like this?

Man: You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have.
Bartender: What do you have pal?
Man: I have only a dollar.


More: Happiness Is, A Happy Family

(2) Scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they made one hundred men to drink twelve pints of beer. They then observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and could not drive.

More: Blake Lively

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GIF Joke #6: That Son Of A Bitch, GIF, GIF Joke, Funny, Hilarious, Comedy, Comical, Illustration, Animation, Stupid Kid, Angry Mother, Teacher, Mathematics, Studies, School, Lessons, Homework, Sarees

Boy: 1+1, that son of a bitch is 4... 4+4, that son of a bitch is 8... 
Mother: What are you doing? 
Boy: Homework. 
Mother: And this is how your teacher taught you to do it? 
Boy: Yes. 

*THE NEXT DAY, MOTHER GOES TO TALK TO THE MATHS TEACHER* 

Mother: What are you teaching my son in Maths? 
Teacher: Addition!
Mother: Are you teaching them to say 2+2, that son of a bitch is 4? 
Teacher: What I taught them was 2+2, THE SUM OF WHICH, is 4.

More: When It Is Monday Again

BONUS JOKES: 


(1) 
A discussion about a picture of a family was going in the first grade. One little boy in the picture had a different hair color than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted.
Little girl: I know all about adoptions because I was adopted.
Another child: What does it mean to be adopted?
Little girl: It means, that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy.


More: Werewolf

(2) A father and his friend were chatting about their kids.
Friend: Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?
Father: Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector. 

Friend: That's a strange ambition to have for a career.
Father: Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!


More: Happiness Is, The Smell Of Rain

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GIF Joke #5: Dirty Mind, GIF, GIF Joke, Funny, Hilarious, Comedy, Comical, Illustration, Animation, Dirty Joke, Non-Veg, Mindset, Tea, Green Tea, Blush, Ashamed

A boy asks a girl, "What goes in dry, comes out wet and gives warm satisfaction?" 
The girl furiously answers, "I don't like dirty jokes." 
Then the boy tauntingly reveals, "The answer is 'a tea bag'. And you have a dirty mind." 
The girl is left bewildered and ashamed.

More: While Pooping... When It's Stuck

BONUS JOKES: 


(1) One day, John and Mike were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumps on John's leg and bites him on his dick. 
Mike runs and screams for help but since no one was around to help, he calls a hospital.
Mike: Quick! Quick! I need your help. My friend got bit by a snake on his penis.
Doctor: Son, you're gonna have to suck the venom out of his dick.
Mike: Please doctor, there has to be another way to get rid of the venom!
Doctor: Sorry, there's nothing we can do.

Now Bob goes running back to John.
John (in pain): So what did the doctor say?
Mike: The doctor said that you're gonna die.


More: Waves

(2) A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
Man: Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid
Woman: That doesn't prove anything. Think about this, when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, does your ear feel better or your finger?


More: Happiness Is, Jumping On A Bed

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GIF Joke #4: STFU, GIF, GIF Joke, Funny, Hilarious, Comedy, Comical, Illustration, Animation, STFU, Angry, Blonde, Dumb, Punch, Offense, Party Pooper

Mr Blond: What does 'STFU' mean? 
Rajesh: Shut the f**k up. 
Mr Blond gets offended and *BOOM* he goes.

More: Explode

BONUS JOKES: 


(1) A young blonde secretary was describing her blind date to a friend. 
Blonde: After dinner, he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that.
Friend: That was smart. Then what happened?
Blonde: He kept insisting, and I kept refusing.
Friend: You didn't weaken your resolve, did you?
Blonde: Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry.


More: Happiness Is, An Ice Cream In This Heat

(2) A blonde woman was walking down the street, with her blouse open when a cop notices that her right breast was hanging out.
Cop: Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?
Blonde: Why, officer?
Cop (sheepishly): Well, your breast is hanging out.
Blonde: Oh my God! I left the baby on the bus!


More: When Exams Are Over

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GIF Joke #3: Good Night, GIF, GIF Joke, Funny, Hilarious, Husband, Wife, Comedy, Comical, Lame, Cheating, Fight, Argument, Burn, Cruel, Illustration, Serious, Angry, Anger, Animation

The couple had a heated argument over something. And, then they had a fight.

Mister: Good night, mother of four kids. 
Missus: Good night, father of none.

More: When You See Bae

BONUS JOKES: 


(1) A man after being fed up by his wife's constant complains about him spending his free time in a bar, decides to take his wife to the bar with him. 
Husband: What'll you have?
Wife: Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose.

The husband orders a couple of Jack Daniel's and gulps it down his throat in one shot. Then, his wife takes a sip from her glass but immediately spits it out. 
Wife: Yuck, that's terrible! I don't even know how you can drink this stuff!
Husband: Well, there you go. And you thought that I enjoyed myself every night!


More: Dart Gun

(2) A husband desperate to keep his sexy wife happy offers to buy her a new car. 
But she politely declines his offer by saying, "That's not quite what I had in mind." 
Frantically, he then offers her a new house. 
Again she rejects his offer and adds, "That's not quite what I had in mind." 
He finally asks her out of curiosity, "What did you have in mind?" 
She retorts, "I'd like a divorce." 
He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much." 

More: Happiness Is, Taking A Vacation

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GIF Joke #2: An Old Lady, GIF, GIF Joke, Funny, Hilarious, Old Lady, Doctor, Comedy, Comical, Patient, Lame, Farts, Hearing Problem, Frequent Gas Problem, Pills, Medicine, Treatment, Cure

An 88-year old lady goes to the doctor and tells him, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent." 
The doctor remains patient and hears out what else the old lady has to say. Further, the old lady says, "As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" 
The doctor in his reply says,"I see. Take these pills and come back next week." 

*THE NEXT WEEK* 

"Doctor", says the old lady, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." 
The doctor shyly replies,"Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

More: Happiness Is, Cheesy Divine That Is A Pizza


BONUS JOKES: 


(1) Doctor: I have a bad news and a very bad news for you. 
Patient: What! Haaayee... Give me the bad news first. 
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have only 24 hours to live. 
Patient: 24 HOURS! Noooooo! What could be WORSE than this?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

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(2) A guy goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist where the tampons are. The pharmacist directs him to aisle 4. The man comes back in a few minutes with some toilet paper and some cotton balls. 
The pharmacist asks the man, "Excuse me sir, it is none of my business, but you asked where the tampons were, but you have asked to bill the toilet paper and cotton balls. Why?" 
The man responds, "Well, last night I asked for a favor from this funny old lady, my neighbor, to buy me a carton of cigarettes. And she brought me a tin of tobacco and some paper sheets. Tonight, she can roll her own!"

More: When Bae Says, I Love You

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GIF Joke #1: Blonde Moment, GIF, GIF Joke, Funny, Hilarious, Blonde, OMG, Comedy, Comical, IDK, Lame, Bimbo, Illustration, Animation

A blonde named Kim and her friend Ashley were out to get drinks at a bar when the following conversation started-  
Kim:What does 'idk' mean? 
Ashley: I don't know. 
Kim: OMG! No one knows.

More: Tiny Toilet

BONUS JOKES:


(1) A happily married couple of a blonde man and a brunette wife were about to have a baby. 
One day, his wife started having contractions, so they both rushed to the hospital. Now, to their surprise, she had given birth to non-identical twin boys. 
The blond guy turns to his wife and furiously asks, "All right, so who is the father of this other kid?"

More: Can Not Stop Looking

(2) A young couple were about to go on a romantic vacation together. The boyfriend is left puzzled when he sees his blonde girlfriend dragging a door with her to the airport. 
BF: What is this?! Why?
GF: You know how burglars break down the front door to get into houses? 
BF: Yeah, so?
GF: Well, if I take my front door with me, then burglars can't break the door down. And, if they can't break the door down then they can't get in or steal anything. 
BF: Okay. But, how will you get in if you lose the door?
GF: In that case, I have left one of the side windows open. So I can get in through there.

More: Happiness Is, A Happy Family

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